i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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