I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
