i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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