Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
