2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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