Duck Duck Cougar?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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