I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
