The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
