there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I party with great urgency now.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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