Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Fuck appropriateness.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
