i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
