ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
