I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
