We won't sleep together?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize