my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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