I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize