I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize