Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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