She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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