Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize