I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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