You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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