You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
