p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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