; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
