epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
