Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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