You're completely useless in the revolution.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
