he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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