i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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