Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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