sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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