closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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