I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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