What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize