About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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