Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
