I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
