Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
