Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
