Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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