How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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