I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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