never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
