Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
