I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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