u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
