Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
