Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
