Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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