Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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