We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
