I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
