bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
