why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
