Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
its liver damage thursday
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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