Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
