You can't special order awesome
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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