Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize