Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
