i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
