My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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