don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
