Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
