I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
