I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
