yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it hurts more in the daytime
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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