Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
