I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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